In his lover's arms
by thesuttonian
Summary: Sorry for the cheesy title. Really didn't know what to call this. It's a one-shot Stendan fic. Ste's POV and set just after Ste stormed off from Riley's memorial. It's very M, so if that's not your thing, don't read. This is what I wanted to happen.


Disclaimer: I do not own Hollyoaks. If I did – the things I would have Brendan and Ste do on a regular basis! Right, this is very M and complete Stendan, so if it ain't your thing, don't go reading it. If it is, then I hope you enjoy!

Ste felt cold. Very cold. He had stood up and slammed out of the pub saying he was going home. He hadn't gone home. He had paced around outside for a while. He was unsure of why he felt so angry. He tried to convince himself it was just about Ally, but the truth was it wasn't. He had felt angry with all of them when they had started in on Brendan. He knew that he and Brendan were not together anymore, but Brendan didn't have many people in his corner and well, after what he'd done for Ste recently, Ste felt angry that they were happy to kick Brendan now he was down. None of them would have had the balls to do it if Brendan had been his normal self.

He had planned to go home, he had. But then he'd decided he wanted another drink. With no Amy, kids or Doug he might as well have a few more. There was nothing to rush home for, he'd thought. He'd headed over to Price Slice and picked up a few cans. He wasn't sure where to go, so he'd headed up to the top of the wall that looked over the Village. It was quiet up there and he felt his head clearing. It was then he'd seen him walking towards his flat. He wasn't wearing his trademark suit, he was wearing a black hoodie and sort of purple-ish jogging bottoms. Ste had noticed that in the pub. Hard not to notice really, they were definitely not Brendan's usual style. But then again, nothing much was these days. Ste watched Brendan as he trudged up the stairs. He looked like Ste felt, Ste resolved to do something he believed at that moment had only just entered his mind, but the truth was, it was a thought he'd been having constantly since their run in with Walker and since Doug's departure about a fortnight ago.

Ste found himself at that familiar blue door and knocked it gently. Brendan opened up almost immediately: had he seen him on the wall, been waiting for him? Brendan looked at him. Ste noticed that he looked very tired. Not like he had after the explosion, but really, genuinely tired.

"Stephen? What brings you calling?" His voice was low.

"Thought you might need one of these." He held up his Price Slice carrier bag.

"No. I'm ok for carrier bags, thanks." Brendan attempted a joke; that was a good sign thought Ste. An invitation really.

"Don't be daft, it's beer innit. Can I come in?"

"Shouldn't you be going home? To Douglas." Brendan's eyes stared at Ste and his voice remained low and constant.

"No, he's in the pub with his mates ain't he? " Ste shivered slightly, the sky was darkening and in truth the t-shirt and football shirt he was wearing weren't really helping to keep him warm. He felt his nipples hardening as if on cue.

"Are you cold, Stephen?"

"A bit, yes."

Brendan stepped back and turned inside. "You'd better come in then."

Ste followed Brendan into the flat. It always surprised him how familiar it felt to him. He never really felt uncomfortable which was strange given some of the things that had occurred within its walls. Brendan picked up his glass from the sideboard. It was his signature drink, whisky. Ste had a sudden memory of that first night when he'd been here and they'd drunk whisky together. No whisky he thought to himself.

"Do you want a glass, Stephen?"

"Nah, it's alright." Ste took a can of beer from his bag and pulled the ring. He drank from the can and resisted the urge to burp afterwards. Brendan was watching him.

"Why are you here, Stephen?"

The truthful answer was Ste didn't really know. So that's the answer he went with. "I don't know. I meant to go home, after the pub, but decided on another beer. I saw you coming back to the flat and then then next thing I knew I was outside the door. I don't know why, that's the truth."

Ste sat on the sofa nearest the door, he hadn't wanted to sit on the other sofa. That was the sofa he and Brendan had… that day when Brendan had told him that he loved him and it had all come crashing down again. To be honest, it wasn't just that. That was the sofa Brendan and Eoghan had been on when he and Cheryl had walked in on them. Ste was surprised that he wasn't as bothered at that thought.

"You still cold? Shall I turn up the heating?" Brendan looked concerned.

"No, I'm fine honestly. Are you going to stand there all night, you're making me feel uncomfortable." Ste kept his tone light, although Brendan not moving to sit was making him feel a little on edge.

Brendan picked up his glass and the bottle of whisky near it and came and sat on the sofa. Ste noticed that he was careful to leave enough distance between them, so that there was no worry of them touching. The last time they'd sat here together like this Ste had tried hard to bolster Brendan up, he was so down and well, Brendan had misread his friendship and tried to kiss him. Ste remembered it now and suddenly thought that being here might not be the best idea. But then, he was here because he'd chosen to be. He couldn't really blame Brendan this time.

"So how are you? How are you doing?" He kept his voice even although his heartbeat had picked up a little.

"I'm ok. Chez thinks this," he pointed at the bottle, "is not helping. I disagree." He gulped another mouthful of whisky down.

"Tell me about it." Ste replied. "I needed a beer tonight, me."

Brendan was looking at him. Not in the way he sometimes did, that made Ste feel like he was being assessed, scrutinised. This look was more caring, concerned. Concerned again in such a short space of time? "Oh?" Brendan's voice was enquiring as he filled his glass again.

"Yeah, that Ally. He does me head in. He's always got some smart arse comment to make. He's lucky I didn't punch his head in tonight. Nearly did, but the others pulled me off him. Slimey git."

Brendan looked surprised.

"What? Don't look like that! He were asking for it." Ste bit his lip, the meaning of what he'd just said not lost on him at all.

"Yeah, well, he's not worth getting into trouble over."

Ste looked at Brendan for a moment. What was going on? Brendan being calm and reasonable. If he didn't stop soon, Ste would have to send out a search party, to find the real Brendan Brady.

"Yeah, well, Doug knows I dunt like him. Dunt even know why he invited him, it's not like he really knew Riley." Ste felt his lips move into a pout and realised he had sounded more sulky than he meant to. What was he doing? Sitting here with his ex, discussing his current boyfriend. No fiancé. He must be mad.

"Oh look, the truth is, I didn't really have anywhere else to go and well, I didn't want to go home and sit by myself. We're ok, aren't we? It's alright me being here isn't it?" Ste looked at Brendan. Brendan gave a small nod.

"Of course it is," he replied quietly.

Ste took another long gulp of his beer and looked over at the photograph of Lynsey and Cheryl that was on the sideboard. Without really thinking he said, "I still can't believe she's gone."

Brendan's eyes turned to where he was looking and Ste noticed tears forming. Idiot, he thought to himself. "Sorry," he said quietly, "I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's ok, Stephen. She's gone. It's hard, but you have to try to move on don't you?"

"Yeah." Ste wracked his brain for something else to say. Nothing was very forthcoming. "Ere, so Eoghan's gone hasn't he?" As soon as he'd said it, he wished he could have taken it back, Brendan was sure to get irritated.

"Yes," Brendan said calmly. "There's nothing for him here."

What? That's it? Ste thought. That's all you've got to say? He knew he was drunk, but Brendan was worrying him more and more and not for the usual reasons.

"Brendan, are you sure you're ok? Really?" and he reached out his hand to touch Brendan, it was an involuntary movement really. Or at least that's how he justified it to himself, later.

Brendan looked straight at him. "I think you should go, Stephen. Douglas will be worried if he gets home and you're not there. You've had a few." Brendan stood up and walked towards the kitchen.

Ste felt confused. He wasn't quite sure why he was confused, but the fact was that Brendan being like this was just all wrong. Where was the swagger, the tilt of the head? The trademark Brady touches that made Brendan, well, Brendan Brady. He was sure it was the beer when he stood and approached him.

"Are you sure you want me to leave?"

The question hung in the air between them.

"Stephen." Brendan's voice was more a breath than a whisper.

"Say you want me to leave." Ste walked further towards Brendan. Why was he doing this? After everything? He had Doug. "And I'll go."

"I never want you to leave." Brendan's voice was low, but Ste heard him clearly.

"Brendan." Ste reached out and touched him lightly on his shoulder. He felt Brendan let out a breath and saw him brace his hands a little tighter on the kitchen work surface.

"Please, Stephen…don't."

But Ste didn't stop. He couldn't have done, even if he had wanted to. He moved closer to Brendan and smoothed his hand down the older man's back. It was a gesture of comfort, but so much more. He felt Brendan lean into the touch a little.

"I'm here, aren't I? Let me be this for you, tonight."

Ste reached around and turned Brendan's face toward his. Brendan's eyes were lowered. Ste gently tilted his chin, so that their eyes met. Blue eyes hooded with long lashes met even clearer, bluer eyes that at this moment were tinged with such sadness. "Let me," repeated Ste and he slowly closed the gap between them.

As their lips met, Ste could not help the sigh that escaped from him. He had remembered what kissing Brendan was like, but it had been so long his memories had started to fade. At first the kiss was light, tentative neither wanting to urge it on too quickly, but as it deepened and Ste felt Brendan's mouth open and his tongue gently touch at Ste's lips memories rushed back and Ste shifted into Brendan, his body making contact with him and his mouth opening further to allow Brendan better access to him. Brendan sighed and brought his hands up to Ste's face. He paused for a moment, their foreheads touching. "You don't want this, Stephen. Me. Let's stop this now." He seemed anguished as if he was warring with himself. He touched his fingers gently to Ste's lips tracing the bow of his top lip lightly.

Ste's lips were parted. "I'm getting a bit tired of people telling me what to do, Brendan." Reaching out he pulled Brendan to him again and kissed him, but with more passion this time. Brendan's lips parted and Ste explored his mouth with his tongue eliciting a moan from Brendan that went straight to Ste's already hardening cock. Ste pulled away and looked at the man before him. There was no doubt, Brendan Brady was beautiful. At that moment, the confusion he had been feeling left him and he spoke quietly. "I want you. "

Brendan's brow furrowed as he spoke, "Are you su…"

Ste silenced Brendan with a small kiss. "Yes."

Brendan touched Ste's face gently and pushed the hair back on his forehead. He let his hand trail down and laced his fingers with Ste's. Neither spoke as they walked into the bedroom.

Brendan shut the door quietly and turned to face Ste. The room was quite dark save for a small lamp on the bedside table. Neither moved as they stood and just stared at each other. Ste felt unsure suddenly, usually Brendan would have been on him by now; hands, lips and teeth everywhere , but something was different with Brendan, that much was clear. Ste broke the silence.

"Come here." He reached his hand out to Brendan. Brendan walked slowly towards Ste and stood just inches away from him. Ste reached out and in one quick motion pulled Brendan's hoodie and t-shirt off over his head. He noticed how Brendan's hair went a bit awry and he reached up with his fingers to smooth it. Brendan closed his eyes for a second clearly enjoying Ste's touch. Ste let his hand trail down over Brendan's face and Brendan leaned into his touch even more. Ste realised he had been holding his breath. He let it out as his hands made contact with Brendan's firm, hairy chest. He ran his fingers lightly through the hair there and for a moment a thought occurred to him. How different Doug was. Doug was smooth and his skin was soft, Brendan was all hair and hardness. Manly. Ste felt himself hardening more. Ste trailed his hands down and over Brendan's abs and Brendan's breath hitched a little as his hand stopped just above the waistband. Ste could see Brendan's arousal as the front of his joggers tented and without realising he let his tongue dart out and licked his lips for a split second. He looked back up at Brendan in the darkened room Brendan's eyes no longer looked blue, they looked dark almost black as his pupils had dilated.

"Are you sure about this Stephen? There'll be no going back." Ste was surprised that Brendan kept asking, needing him to be sure about it. Ste was sure and when he pulled Brendan to him and kissed him again, he made sure Brendan knew he wanted this.

This seemed to be the invitation Brendan needed as suddenly Ste felt his own shirts being pulled off and over his head. They were flung to the floor. Brendan paused for a moment and looked at Ste's naked chest before reaching down and taking Ste's belt buckle in his hand. Brendan undid him and unzipped him. Falling to his knees, Brendan lowered both Ste's jeans and boxers to his ankles. Ste realised he was still wearing his shoes, but they came off easily as he lifted each foot and Brendan tugged at them. He stood naked in front of Brendan now save for his black socks his cock hard and jutting against his belly. Brendan was still on his knees at Ste's feet. He looked up and the look of lust on his face made Ste's belly do a flip. Whoever else he'd been with, they had never made him feel like this. Brendan looked as though his whole life depended on owning him, possessing him. He shivered again.

"You ok?" Brendan's voice broke the silence.

"Yes."

"Okay." Brendan stood briefly and pulled his own clothing down. He hadn't been wearing socks or shoes and Ste noticed the tattoos on his feet. He had asked him once, what they meant, but Brendan hadn't answered. Not really the time he thought, but I'll ask him again about them. One day. Ste couldn't help but stare. It had been a long time since they'd been like this and memories came flooding back of how it felt to be filled by that cock. Ste's breathing increased. He wanted this so badly. Wanted him.

Brendan took Ste's face in his hands and kissed him again. As they kissed, he edged him back towards the bed. Their breathing increased and small moans began to fall from each of them. "Stephen" whispered Brendan. Ste felt his legs hit the bed and he dropped back on to it shuffling himself up slightly, Brendan reached down and parted Ste's legs as he crawled up the bed. He took hold of Ste's cock and swiped his thumb across the head, pre-cum had started to leak out and Ste watched as Brendan placed his thumb to his mouth and tasted him. Ste let his head fall back as Brendan went to work on him, he opened his mouth and took all of him in. The sensation was amazing as Brendan licked along the throbbing vein running under the shaft. Brendan knew just how much pressure to apply and as he did so his other hand snaked around to Ste's balls and began its own exploration.

"Shit Brendan, I'm gonna cum if you keep doing that." Ste was squirming.

Brendan removed hi s mouth for a split second, "Isn't that the idea?" and he returned to lapping the tip of Ste's cock teasingly before taking him deep into his throat again.

"Oh, oh God, Brendan. I'm. I'm…" Ste came harder than he had in a long while. Brendan drank down every drop he had and milked him until the waves of his orgasm subsided. Brendan came up to rest on his elbow. Ste looked at him. "That were amazing." Ste shook his head slightly. "You're amazing." Brendan smiled gently, Ste thought that might have been the first time he'd seen him smile this evening. He liked it, Brendan suddenly looked more his old self, more relaxed. "Come here, eh?"

Brendan crawled up Ste's body and kissed him at first gently, but as Ste pressed himself up against him and moaned into his mouth the kiss grew more passionate. Ste had always thought it would be weird to kiss someone after you cum in their mouth, but he loved it. The taste of him on Brendan's tongue he lapped at his mouth. "I want, you know…"

Brendan pulled back and for a moment he looked almost playful. "What do you want, Stephen?"

Ste knew that in the past he would have been all fumbling shyness at this point, not able to vocalise what he really wanted. Those days were long gone, he spoke with assurance. "I want your cock in me."

Brendan smiled at him and nodded. "I think that can be arranged." He reached over to his bedside table and pulled out a condom and a small bottle of lube before placing on them on the bed near Ste. "Lie back, Stephen."

Ste placed his hand above his head and slowly raised his knees. He did not break eye contact with Brendan who was now moving into position on his knees in front of Ste. It was Brendan who broke contact to look down at Ste. "God, look at ye." Brendan moved his hands slowly along Ste's legs and up his thighs. Brendan placed a finger in his mouth and sucked it gently, he returned to Ste and slowly pushed into him. Ste bridled at the intrusion, his head automatically falling back on to the pillows. Brendan hit a firm pace straight away, slowly he removed his first finger and licking a second finger returned to Ste. He pushed in slowly. "You're so tight, Stephen." Ste noticed that Brendan's voice sounded breathless and ragged. It turned him on even more, that he was having this effect on him. Brendan slowly fucked Ste with his fingers. "You like that?"

"What do you think?" Ste's own voice had taken on a faltering tone. "Yes, I like it."

"Good."

Ste thought for a moment. He hadn't experienced anything like this in a long time. He and Doug had fallen into a pattern. He topped. Doug bottomed. Ste was more experienced and so at first this had seemed logical. He'd thought in time that Doug might grow more confident, but they'd tried and couple of times and Ste had been left less than satisfied and then they hadn't tried again. Ste now realised how much he missed this. He wanted to be fucked, by him. He blushed a little at this thought. Brendan was watching him intently. Their eyes locked again and Ste saw Brendan's mouth open as a breath escaped him. "Now, Brendan." Ste's voice sounded urgent.

"Bossy, ain't ye." The smile was back in Brendan's voice. Ste enjoyed hearing it.

Brendan withdrew his fingers and reached for the condom and lube. He ripped the wrapper with his teeth spitting the foil off to the side. He sheathed himself and flipped the cap on the bottle. His tongue poked out a little as he poured some lube on Ste. Ste caught his breath. "It's cold."

"Sorry."

Ste thought that Brendan did not look sorry at all.

"Are ye sure ye don't want to turn over, I don't want to hurt ye."

Ste could tell that Brendan was genuinely concerned. "No, it's ok. I want to see you." Ste shifted down a little more on to the bed. Brendan took his legs and opened them a little more. He lined up and in one slow movement entered Ste: filling him entirely. Ste gasped at the sensation. It felt amazing. He had never quite gotten over the way it felt to be taken like this. Brendan stilled for a moment giving him time to adjust. Then he slowly started to move, thrusting gently into Ste. Brendan looked intently down at Ste and kissed him again. He moved slightly and whispered into Ste's ear. "Is this ok?"

"Not really." Ste's voice was even and clear.

Brendan stopped for a second and he pulled back to get a better look at Ste's face. Ste pulled him back to him and whispered in his ear. "Harder." He uttered.

Brendan did not need to be told twice. He pulled back and placed Ste's ankles over his shoulders. From this angle every time that Brendan thrust into him he hit that spot inside Ste that made him see stars. So relentless became Brendan's pace that Ste feared he would black out. "My god, Brendan…" Ste's cock was hard again as Brendan pounded into him.

"Stephen." Brendan's voice trailed off as he thrust into him. "I'm going to…"

"Cum, Brendan. "

As Brendan came he shouted out Ste's name and then collapsed on top of him. This was too much for Ste who came for the second time, shooting all over his stomach. Brendan untangled himself from Ste and moved to his side.

"God Brendan, that were…"

"I know," said Brendan softly. "You don't need to elaborate." As he spoke, Brendan reached out his arm and placed it around Ste. Ste raised his head and snuggled into his lover's side. Ste felt his eyes closing. He was in that lovely post-sex state when the house could come crashing down around you and you would not be able to move. They stayed like this for what seemed an age, but in reality was probably only 15 minutes or so. Ste slowly moved and got up.

"Are you going?" Brendan's voice sounded sad behind him. "You did say this was for 'tonight'? Are we done?"

Ste turned to face Brendan. He looked at that moment, something Ste had not really seen before, he looked vulnerable.

"No, I ain't going nowhere. I'm just going to lock the front door. I can't sleep if I don't know it's locked."

"So you're not leaving me?" Brendan's voice was quiet.

"No. Never."

And true to his word. Ste walked back into the living room and locked the front door. He then switched off all the lights, got a drink of water from the kitchen, checked the back door and switched the kitchen light off. He walked back into the bedroom. Brendan's breathing was quiet and even. He must be asleep thought Ste. He pulled back the covers and got back into the bed. Ste reached over and switched off the lamp. He felt Brendan stir behind him and felt his arms snake around his middle. He allowed Brendan to pull him closer into a spooning position.

"I love ye, Stephen."

"I love you."

Ste felt a smile creep on to his face. He fell asleep in no time at all. Safe in the arms of the man he loved.

The End.


End file.
